I had two incredible revelations while I was with them.
We were standing in the kitchen scavenging for food when Miles used "high-five" as a form of strictly-verbal positive feedback and I immediately decided to steal it from him because IT IS HILARIOUS.
Miles literally just says "High five!" like someone would say "Cool!" or "Good job!" and then when the other person holds up their hand for a high five, he has already moved on, having only meant to casually congratulate them, oblivious to the fact that his statement traditionally indicates a physical response. It's the new "Tits."
Revelation No. 1: Check.
Later that night I made the horrible discovery of the only way my boyfriend has been a bad influence on me. Here's the scenario.
We were in Anna's living room and Miles suggested a movie, an independent horror flick called "Hunger." He said it was about cannibalism, some guy puts six people in a cellar together with only water and leaves them to their own devices. (Caution - spoilers ahead.) That's all the information I had when the movie began.
It opened on a car wreck in the wilderness, and cut to the person in the passenger seat, a young kid. Being one of those people, I immediately started asking questions.
"Is that kid going to be one of the people in the cellar?"
"No, just watch."
Then we see the kid look slowly to his left, and the camera pans over to show a dead woman in the driver's seat, presumably his mother.
I sat in contemplative silence for about twenty seconds before shouting, "The kid grows up to be the guy who puts the six people in the cellar because he's crazy because when he was little he got in a car accident and had to eat his mom to survive!"
I knew that I was correct when Miles burst out with a "GodDAMMIT, Grace!" and started looking for something else for us to watch. (We ended up with Patton Oswalt stand-up instead, which is way better.)
I know it was a dick move on my part. It is absolutely my boyfriend Connor's fault that I did it. I swear, it's his fucking hobby to accurately predict the entire plot of a movie from the first sixty seconds. On the off-chance he isn't right, he usually consoles himself by pointing out gaping plot holes. I get so mad at him for this.
That being said, I was extremely proud of myself for guessing the entire movie in the first minute and saw the hypocrisy and did not care. Looking back, it's been creeping up on me for a while. Every Wednesday night when I watch "Modern Family" with my parents, I spend the whole episode calling out what's going to happen just before it does and then saying how I could totally be a television writer. It was only a matter of time before my journey to the dark side was complete. (Also my parents might kick me out.)
To all friends of myself and my boyfriend Connor, let this be a warning: We are ruthless, we are not afraid to ruin nostalgic old favorites or shatter fond memories, we take every opening title as a challenge, and one way or another, we will absolutely (and shamelessly) ruin the movie for you.
End Revelation No. 2.
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