*I'm almost definitely sure that's what he or she was saying. It was hard to tell because the dildo salesman's accent was alternating between Swedish and Japanese.
Here's the transcription of the conversation as I heard it.
Me: Hello?
Prank Caller: Hallo, is this a-Grace a-Smith-uh?
Me: ...yes?
PC: Yes, I'm-a calling to flaflafloofla mumph banana omnom order of 200 tiptoes from wawawawa.
Me: What?
PC: Your order of 200 banana dingoes from mop mop mop moop.
Me: [Long moment of silence, unsure how to respond.]
PC: Hello?
Me: [Urge to hang up outweighed by intense loneliness. More silence.]
PC: Hello? Are you there? (Giggling in background.)
Me: [Having decided to engage prank callers in conversation out of boredom and despair] I'm sorry, you were calling about my order?
PC: Ja, ja, your order of-a 200 dilberts.
Me: Two hundred? I thought I made it very clear that my order was for two thousand.
PC: Ah, oh, yes yes, two thousand. You forgot that pesky little zero there, huh huh huh. [Accent now becoming Canadian.]
Me: I don't see how there was any mistake on my part, but I guess it's a good thing you called or I would've been very unsatisfied with the shipment.
PC: Yes, huh huh, okay ma'am, we'll get that right in the mail for y- for your a-night of pleasure. Huh huh. (Muffled giggling.)
Me: Yes, thank you.
PC: Whad do scale thing say begin.
Me: ...bye. *click*
What is wrong with me? Why does this brand of attention make me feel special? It's like when I was in junior high and sometimes high school boys would yell lewd things out of their car windows at me, but it really stung because I knew that they were not actually making sexual remarks, they were being ironic because I was such a funny-looking kid in middle school that it was humorous to imagine that anyone would ever find me appealing.
Cut to high school, walking down Main Street in shorts and somebody honks his horn and whistles at me and I immediately assume that, as before, he is doing it ironically because I am so far from what society considers sexy. Then I have a sudden moment of realization - he's not making fun of me, he's objectifying me! Awww!
Do you know how twisted that is? I was legitimately flattered because some creep honked and whistled at me and wasn't doing it to make fun of me, just to sincerely let me and everyone else within earshot know that he would have sex with me because of the way my ass looks in shorts.
What does it say about the way people treat each other that being objectified gave me an ego boost? What does it say about the way we alienate each other that a prank call was the one thing all day that made me feel like somebody cared about me?
PC: Ah, oh, yes yes, two thousand. You forgot that pesky little zero there, huh huh huh. [Accent now becoming Canadian.]
Me: I don't see how there was any mistake on my part, but I guess it's a good thing you called or I would've been very unsatisfied with the shipment.
PC: Yes, huh huh, okay ma'am, we'll get that right in the mail for y- for your a-night of pleasure. Huh huh. (Muffled giggling.)
Me: Yes, thank you.
PC: Whad do scale thing say begin.
Me: ...bye. *click*
What is wrong with me? Why does this brand of attention make me feel special? It's like when I was in junior high and sometimes high school boys would yell lewd things out of their car windows at me, but it really stung because I knew that they were not actually making sexual remarks, they were being ironic because I was such a funny-looking kid in middle school that it was humorous to imagine that anyone would ever find me appealing.
Cut to high school, walking down Main Street in shorts and somebody honks his horn and whistles at me and I immediately assume that, as before, he is doing it ironically because I am so far from what society considers sexy. Then I have a sudden moment of realization - he's not making fun of me, he's objectifying me! Awww!
Do you know how twisted that is? I was legitimately flattered because some creep honked and whistled at me and wasn't doing it to make fun of me, just to sincerely let me and everyone else within earshot know that he would have sex with me because of the way my ass looks in shorts.
What does it say about the way people treat each other that being objectified gave me an ego boost? What does it say about the way we alienate each other that a prank call was the one thing all day that made me feel like somebody cared about me?
