Here, Beowolf.

I've always loved naming things - I was one of those kids - and I love a good, weird name.

Unfortunately, when I got my current cat, a moment of misguided charity and uncomfortable-ness made me decide to keep the name Rosie after an adult handicapped lady told me that she named her and then kissed the top of Rosie's head.

I regret this decision now.

That woman absolutely does not remember my cat and has probably named at least three more cats Rosie since then. I should have changed it to Jennyanydots when I had the chance. 

All personal regrets aside, one of my favorite things about working at the vet is hearing some of the crazy pet names. People who name their dogs Bella and Buddy seem so dull, although I do acknowledge that saying that makes me a huge hypocrite. Anyway, since I'm leaving my job soon to focus on school, I decided to indulge my curiosity and compile a list of the best of the best pet names and give them awards by category.
Enjoy.

Best Full Name

Second Place: Harvey Wallbanger (Canine)

First Place: Thadious Hoppington (Rabbit)

Best Food-Inspired Name

Second Place: (Tie) Kielbasa, Pork Fried Rice

First Place: Pou Pon (Feline)

Pets Named After Celebrities, In Order from Worst to Best

Charlie Sheen

Dale Earnhart

Bruce Lee

Bill Nye

Freddie Mercury

Best Names with the word "Fat" in them

Honorable Mentions: Fat Boy, Fat Head, and NINE pets named "Fatty"

Second Place: Fatapuss (See also "Best Puns")

First Place: Fat Bastard

Classiest

Honorable Mentions: Sinbad, Siegfried, Octavius

Third Place: Toulouse

Second Place: Hildegard

First Place: Alowycious

Best Descriptive Names*

Third Place: Fussy Butt

Second Place: Toe Licker

First Place: Tuna Breath

Honorable Mentions: Mustache Louie, One-Eyed Jack

*Fun fact, all winners in this category are cats.

Most Baffling

Third Place: Mr. Thumbs

Second Place: Oy

First Place: Pubert

Surprisingly Cute Names

Toggle

Segway

Velcro

Sequel

Jenga

Sandman

Malarkey

Best Puns

Third Place: My-Newt (Species said "Other," so I'm assuming it's an actual newt.)

Second Place: Catty Wompus

First Place: Spotnick

Worst Puns

Third Place: Maybullene (English Bulldog)

Second Place: Tie Deeogy (D.O.G.) and Shinopi (She No Pee)

First Place: Semper Fido

Honorable Mentions: Vincent Van Cat and Purrsilla.

Awesomest

The Wolfman

Snicklefritz

Robespierre

Beowolf

Avogadro

Megatron

Danger Kitty

Most Hilarious 

Mr. Noodle

Uncle Salty

Boobie

Spanky

Poop, Pooper, Poopie, 

Poopsie, and Poop Stain

Proud Mary

Spleen

Totally Inappropriate Names

Three-Way Tie: Osama, Hitler, and "Sexy Cat."

Animals with Best-Suited Names

Honorable Mentions: Hound named "Messerschmitt," Cornish Rex named "Nefertiti," and a French Bulldog named "Mavis."

Third Place: Doberman Pinscher named "Jebidiah"

Second Place: A dachshund named "Schnitzel"

First Place: (And I'm completely serious about this) A one-eyed basset hound named Whiskey Joe. (I've actually met Whiskey Joe, he looks like he just got back from snoozing on a front porch in the background of Fievel Goes West.)

Some fun statistics to wrap everything up:

- There are 11 orange cats named "Hobbes"

- 2 cats named "Crookshanks" and 1 actual rat named "Scabbers"

- 16 Cheechs, 1 Chong (I don't get it, either.)

- 5 Goobers and 8 Boogers

Moral of the story: It really doesn't matter what you name your pet, you're just going to end up calling it "dumbass" all the time anyway.